When Alyssa Miller’s husband is traveling for work, she sends him after-school videos of their 5-year-old daughter, Finley.
“Usually she shares a funny story about something that happened,” Miller, 25, tells TODAY.com.
On Jan. 6, however, Finley was not in a laughing mood. As Finley slid into Miller’s car, her brown eyes filled with tears.
“I was like, ‘What’s going on? Why are you crying?’” Miller, who lives in Florida, recalls. “And that’s when she told me that she was the only child in her class who wasn’t invited to a birthday party.”
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In a video posted on TikTok, Miller gives Finley a big hug and validates her feelings.
“I’m so sad for you because that’s not nice. That’s not how we treat other people, right?” Miller says.
Finley nods her head and replies, “Yes.”
“You’re so beautiful and you’re so kind, OK? This has nothing to do with you and everything to do with them,” Miller reminds her daughter. “You are worthy of great, amazing friends. Sometimes they just take a while to find.”
Miller debated sharing the footage, which went viral with nearly 24 million views on TikTok.
“Yes, it’s a private moment, but people need to see what exclusion looks like,” Miller tells TODAY.com. “Kids are not born to be mean, this behavior is taught.”
Alyssa Miller’s 5-year-old daughter, Finley, came home crying after she was excluded from a birthday party.
According to parenting and youth development expert Dr. Deborah Gilboa, there’s a silver lining to these heartbreaking situations.
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“In the broader scheme of things, it’s probably going to make your kid more empathetic,” Gilboa explains in a phone call with TODAY. “And also, you have an amazing opportunity to help them believe in themselves and to give them coping strategies on how to handle hard things. This is the age where they are going to listen, and want your guidance.”
Gilboa says that when comforting younger children, distractions are key. Miller can attest it’s good advice: Finley, a preschooler perked up when they went out for slushies.
“You also have an option to ask, ‘How long would you like to just feel icky about this before we go and do something fun?’” Gilboa says. “Sometimes they just need time to brood.”
Finley has been inundated with support from people around the world, including Grammy winner Meghan Trainor, who commented on TikTok, “ILL INVITE HER OMG. TELL HER I LOVE HER.”
This article was originally published on TODAY.com
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