Don’t be fooled.
With all the “mischagahs” causing severe itching and scratching among Rangers’ adherents this summer, there’s cause for whoopee handstands on Seventh Avenue.
By The Maven’s astute calculations, the Rangers will have the National Hockey League’s best defense.
It all depends on one – and only one – guy – Jake The Rake Trouba, alias captain of the corvette.
The rest of the cast – as I’ll show you in an Adam Fox moment – is fine; just fine. But we’ve got to get this Trouba turmoil out of the way. Several possibilities exist.
1. Chris Drury miraculously finds some sleepy GM who believes that Jake will miraculously turn into a Bobby, as in Orr, and Trouba will disappear somewhere in the west. But since those miracles don’t happen in Manhattan, we must move on.
2. The Glorious captain will do a John Tavares and realize that he’s the most overpaid, underachieving guy between Columbus Circle and Battery Park and will gracefully resign the captaincy. That, in turn, will cause a chain of events.
3. Keeping the captaincy within the defense, newlywed Adam Fox will get the coveted “C.” That will reawaken The Bagel Salesman who’ll win his second Norris Trophy. Plus, one more thing.
4. Trouba finally will get it into his helmeted head that Rangers fans no like what he did to the franchise – in Hollywood they’d call it “Mutiny On The Blue Line” – and he’ll play his tushy off to win back The Faithful. (There’s still some good hockey left in him.)
Unless Jake decides to sit in the dressing room corner and sulk – this could happen but not likely – the Rangers will have the NHL’s best defense. Here’s how.
Second-Norris Foxy will be better than Cale Makar. K’Andre Miller will fulfill his abundant potential. Ryan Lindgren will be recognized as the league’s most underrated blue liner and Braden Schneider will improve on what was a just-swell season in 2023-24.
As far as my boy – repeat MY Boy – Zac Jones is concerned, the time is now for Vally to release the brakes on Wonderman and let him play his big heart out on the second or third D-combo. (He’ll be better than Trouba on the third-best day Jake ever had!)
Finally – and in the unlikely case that Trouba=Trouble, I’ll form a Dis-Honor Guard and escort him to the Staten Island Ferry, get him a good seat in the wheelhouse and give him names of three good eateries on the island called Richmond.
The Trouba farewell tune would be: “So Long It’s Been Good To Know Ye.”
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OBJECTIONS ARE RAISED:
I showed the above column to ardent and longtime Rangers fan, David Perlmutter of New Rochelle. Since The Maven welcomes input – good or bad – I’ll list his objections.
1. “You overrate Adam Fox. He is a very good defenseman – very good – but DO NOT put him in the same category as Cale Makar.
2. “As for Ryan Lindgren, you’ve been rating him ‘underrated’ for a long time. The general staff could make him the next captain and it wouldn’t be a bad idea.
3. “Management should get rid of Trouba. Addition by subtraction.
4. “As for Schneider, he’s good but will never be an All-Star.
5. “You have gone over the top in your praise for Jones. It is too premature.”
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