Stacey Heale’s article (The new Bridget Jones film shows the messy, funny, mistake-filled reality of widowhood, 15 February) was reassuring and hopeful for younger widows. The truthful reality for older widows is much starker. We who are in our 70s (40- or 50-odd years married) newly find ourselves in no man’s land. Literally.
Between being young enough (in our 40s) to find another partner and old enough (in our late 80s and 90s) to not care, we find ourselves too old for men of our age who want younger partners, and too young for – and unwilling to nurse – older men, who, again, will probably want a much younger woman. Hence, literally, no man. No male company, no male hug (let alone sex), no invitations to join married friends or couples we’ve known for years when our husbands were alive. Are we a threat to the couple – might we steal our friends’ husbands? Are we a reminder of what is waiting for them too?
And that is not to even begin to mention all the practical and financial problems women of our age have to deal with. Widowhood at our age is a lonely experience: no small children still at home to distract us, our children and grandchildren all grown up and busy with their own lives. So we rely heavily on our female friends (and thank goodness for them), so many of whom are also widowed, as men generally die earlier than women.
The reality of widowhood for many is that it’s a sad, trying, lonely time, even as we are bravely smiling, busily pursuing hobbies and voluntary work, possibly facing health issues alone, but out there daily, facing the world.
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