Friends, it’s finally here: The Golden Bachelorette’s “Men Tell All.” Usually, these things run on testosterone-charged drama, but this one was all love (and a few fart jokes). Let’s put on our gas masks and dive in.
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What went down this week 📺
I can’t even begin to describe how stoked I was for this week. We all knew there’d be talk about who grills the best and who snores the loudest, but the deeper moments had me bawling.
Who’s gotten closure: Jonathan has a girlfriend! I repeat: Jonathan has a girlfriend! OK, technically, he said he met someone. Still, does she have Instagram? Because I need to see it right now. [People]
Did they play “Golden Mansion Men”? Oh, yeah. Several times. And in an award-worthy display of commitment to the bit, the Gay Men’s Chorus of Los Angeles even performed it. Speaking of which, can we please get a gay Bachelor already? [Entertainment Weekly]
What was the funniest blooper: There was no shortage of options (the fart jokes came in here), but my favorite was the montage of the men requesting wipes to dab the dew off their foreheads. [Entertainment Weekly]
Senior superlatives 🏆
1️⃣ Prom King: Charles L.
You know you’ve made it big when Jesse Palmer compliments your hair on national TV. This was decidedly Charles L.’s night: He got handmade signs, a loving highlight reel and even a fan shout-out to become the next Golden Bachelor. Fingers crossed… [USA Today]
2️⃣ Most Likely to Make Us Cry: Mark A.
Truthfully, Mark A. bored me this season, but that changed last night when Jonathan revealed the sticky note with affirmations Mark left in his cup: “I am STRONG. I am INTERESTING. I am HANDSOME. I am DESERVING. I am ENOUGH.” And I am WEEPING! [TheWrap]
3️⃣ Most Growth: Gregg
Gregg might’ve snored loudly enough to wake up the whole Bachelor Mansion, but something good has come out of the guys’ sleep deprivation: He’s finally taking care of his sleep apnea. You go, Gregg! [Entertainment Weekly]
4️⃣ Class Clown: Jack
I don’t know if Jack actually grilled those burgers for the audience as a nod to “Burger-gate,” but between his joke about the mansion’s “Dick van Dyke beds” and the shot of him in the (empty) jacuzzi tub in a full suit, this Sinatra fan’s humor flew me to the moon. [Us Weekly]
5️⃣ Most Zen: Pascal
Though Pascal was there to comfort Joan, he found a moment to whip out the sheet masks and lead the guys in a moment of deep breathing. Does he actually know anything about meditation? No. But at least he knew not to eat the cucumbers. [TheWrap]
Can I steal you for a second? 💬
A one-on-one with Carrie Rengers
At last, Joan will choose between her final two men next week, so for our penultimate Q&A, I caught up with Wichita Eagle reporter Carrie Rengers, who’s been following our Kansan frontrunner, Chock, all season long.
Laura: What’s it been like having Wichita resident Chock on the show?
Carrie: Even for a city of a half million residents, Wichita is like a small town. Most everyone seems to have some kind of connection to Chock. It’s been a hoot to see his local references, though it was groan-inducing that hay bales were the first thing shown in Wichita, as if we’re all farmers.
Laura: People felt strongly about Pascal’s self-elimination. Who should Joan have given more time?
Carrie: No offense to Pascal, but so many guys seemed like a better fit. Speaking of fit: Jonathan. Hello, sir. Gary is a delight. Girl dad Keith, even if he gets tongue-tied. Joan, honey, what were you thinking?
Laura: Give us your pitch for next week’s finale: Why should Joan choose Chock?
Carrie: Joan, let’s face it: Chock’s been your guy just about from the get-go. (In fact, he’ll probably give you perpetual grief for not giving him the first impression rose.) Also, we’d love to see you around town. Let’s make it official.
Go deeper: Carrie had more to say about Joan’s visit to Wichita with Chock.
Golden visibility ✨
Health problems can arise at any age, but it’s striking how much of this season’s cast has experience with cancer. Last night, retired CEO Michael revealed that he was diagnosed just before he got the call to join. “My immediate inclination was not to proceed,” he said, but after encouragement from his family (and an OK from his doctor), he changed his mind.
“What could have been a really lousy, difficult year for me instead was kind of a great one,” Michael said, adding that he’s going to be OK and is grateful “for this experience that came at just the right time for me.” [Parade]
😢 This week’s cry counter: The male bonding was real this season, so yes, there were lots of tears. I counted seven crying sessions — enough for retired Navy captain Kim to sail across.
The Golden Bachelorette airs Wednesdays at 8 p.m. ET on ABC.
About In Reality: If Wednesday nights are for watching The Golden Bachelorette, then Thursday mornings are for diving into every detail with Laura Bradley, our Golden Bachelorette correspondent. Sign up.
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