Recently, we asked women who have been belittled by men at work to share their stories, and though strides have been made toward women’s rights and access, it’s very clear there’s further to go.
CBC / giphy.com
Here’s what they said:
1.“I have walked into a courtroom in a suit and checked in for a case and overheard the judge say to the other side, ‘counsel for so and so is here,’ and had the other (male) attorney look around the room, right past me, and go, ‘Where is he?'”
“I also do initial screener calls for intake clients (legal aid). They get an email telling them the attorney will be contacting them at such and such time. Several times a week, however, I call an intake client, and they answer, disappointed and go, ‘Wait, they told me I was going to meet with a lawyer,’ thinking I am a paralegal or secretary. I’m always like, ‘Yup. You are. And here I am, calling you at the very time of your lawyer appointment.’
My male paralegal is regularly assumed to be the attorney when he contacts people on my cases, even when they know my female-identifiable name. Have also had multiple male attorneys back when we hand-wrote orders pre-COVID tell me some variation of, ‘You can do the order, honey, girls have nicer handwriting.'”
2.“I was a carpenter and I’m female. I was up in the rafters of a house and adding joist hangers. A man in a BUSINESS SUIT walks in, looks up at me, and says, ‘Can I help you?'”
“I look down and say, ‘Do you know how to do what I am doing?’ He says, ‘No…’ and I pause and then say, ‘Then why do you think you can help me?'”
3.“Back when I worked customer-facing tech support and computer repair, I had a customer come in needing a computer dropped off for a quote. I was still in the repair room so I hustled out to just take care of it. I walk out with the man’s computer and find out what happened and make the quote to him. THIS MAN. He looks me dead in the eye and says, ‘I’ll wait for the technician.'”
“I looked him dead in the eye and coldly said, ‘Sir. I AM the technician. Would you like to leave your computer to be repaired?’ Whew was it fun to watch him just deflate visibly and quietly say ‘yes, please’ to me. Just cause I have boobs doesn’t mean I don’t also have a brain, asshole!”
4.“I was a financial advisor, the only female out of 60. During a meeting, the president asked me in front of everyone to step out and, ‘Go grab a cup of coffee because I didn’t need to hear this.’ I was shocked.”
“All the advisors looked at me as I left confused. I finally asked everyone what the hell they were discussing in the meeting. They said the company harassment policies!!! So it looked like I had complained which I didn’t, it was a lady in another department. That place was nuts hahaha.”
5.“I drove a monster truck (I am small in stature) and I would put it on display at events. As males, young and old, would come up, they’d ask me who the driver was, and I’d say ‘me.'”
They’d either go silent or give me an atta’ girl, or they would outright ask, ‘We need to see you get up in there.’ Like I had to PROVE I actually drove the damn truck.”
6.“Shoutout to every man who saw my DAV tag and asked me which branch my father/husband served in, then went on to balk in disbelief when I told them I’m the veteran, full stop.”
“Special shoutout to men who saw me in uniform and straightaway accused me of stolen valor.”
7.“I was a firefighter for 25 years, structural firefighting, hazmat, confined space, extrication, driving the apparatus, worked my way up the ranks to be chief of my fire company for six years, and also was a fire instructor, fire inspector, and was on the state fire commission writing state code.”
“When I mention this to people, every single fucking time, to this day, they assume I was an EMT only, because girls are allowed to do first aid and nothing else.”
8.“A long time ago, I was friends with a married couple (male/female), and they were both ministers. They were guest officiants at a church. The woman delivered the message, and the husband assisted with the service. After the service, they stood at the door and greeted people. A couple of people told her she gave a nice ‘talk’ — heaven forbid they acknowledge it was a sermon.”
“BUT the worst was when a female parishioner came through the line, said nothing to the woman, shook hands with the husband, and told him HE did a good job preaching!! Things like that are why I’m no longer in organized religion.”
9.“I’m a retired Air Force Officer (Navigator) and so is my husband. My husband and I both have Air Force license plates.”
“When we are together people thank my husband for his service and walk past me. Even when I’m alone in my car— no one says a word. They assume the plate is because of my husband’s service.”
10.“In my early 20s, I was in a management position in a warehouse. Of course, most of my subordinates were men. At first, the major complaint was that I was ‘obviously’ getting by on my looks and sleeping my way to the top.”
“And then when I showed them that I could lift as much, burp as loudly, and curse as eloquently as they could, the new major complaint was that I was ‘unladylike.’ We can’t fucking win.”
11.“I’m an Engineer, and I grew up in construction. When I purchased a foreclosure and remodeled it, my baby boomer Caucasian HVAC Repairman, shocked by my remodeling work, told me at least 60 times I should have been a boy.”
“He could not stop saying it. I told him my dad was very proud I am a girl with these talents.”
12.“I was asked to take notes in a meeting of equals where I was the only woman. I was called ‘dear’ by an older man in a meeting. I was asked to bring the coffee pot in by a man in a meeting of equals. Older men, in particular, only know women as wives, daughters, and secretaries. They can become very uncomfortable with businesswomen.”
“They don’t know how to act. They probably feel they have to watch their language and be careful not to tell off-color jokes, and they don’t like it. It’s not different now. Fifty years later, when I played golf with my husband and his law partners, they acted uncomfortable. I can swear like a sailor and laugh at their off-color jokes, but there is still a sense of tension. I believe it’s because they know they need to watch themselves in case their jokes take a racial, anti-women, or sexually inappropriate tone. Their guy friends wouldn’t diss them for it, but they’re pretty sure I would. They are right.”
13.“I spent 35+ years as a Special Education Paraprofessional working directly with students who had a broad variety of needs. Continuing my own education to stay current with new and innovative ways to help my students’ progress was vital. There truly isn’t time or space to fully explain what the job entails! When people referred to me as ‘a teacher’s aide,’ I eventually started to speak up.”
“A teacher’s aide is a pencil, computer, library corner or Smart Board, and tools such as those. Special Education Paraprofessional. That’s the title that defines the job.”
14.And finally, “I’m a mortician. Of the four other morticians I work with, only one is male; he works at the same location as I.”
I have been working in this industry for nearly 10 years and have served countless families multiple times; they know me. But since he returned from retirement, I have been confused as the secretary more times than I care to count. He was retired through COVID-19, and he didn’t have a clue what it was like to care for (prep, arrange, and service set) 5+ families in a day, six days a week, but I’m the secretary.”
If you’ve ever personally experienced something like this, we’d love to hear from you. Please share your story in the comments or, if you’d like to remain anonymous, use the form below.
DJ Kamal Mustafa
I’m DJ Kamal Mustafa, the founder and Editor-in-Chief of EMEA Tribune, a digital news platform that focuses on critical stories from Europe, the Middle East, Africa, and Pakistan. With a deep passion for investigative journalism, I’ve built a reputation for delivering exclusive, thought-provoking reports that highlight the region’s most pressing issues.
I’ve been a journalist for over 10 years, and I’m currently associated with EMEA Tribune, ARY News, Daily Times, Samaa TV, Minute Mirror, and many other media outlets. Throughout my career, I’ve remained committed to uncovering the truth and providing valuable insights that inform and engage the public.
