It was an amazing sight. There he was, a big orange presence with unusual hair, smiling happily, filling bags of fries, working the window, wearing a neat apron over his red tie. At first, I thought Dave had been reincarnated, but then I remembered Dave was from Wendy’s. This could not be Dave. This man seemed happy, even normal. I thought, this is where he belongs, serving others with a big smile.
I watched him collaborate with a fellow worker as he learned how and when to lift the fries from the hot oil. He seemed to take great pride in his work. We need more employees like him in our struggling restaurant industry.
The big guy’s political opponent already has meaningful experience in this space. Before she said, “How can you vote for this unserious man?” her favorite question was, “Do you want fries with that?” What a country! A middle-class young woman can end up Vice President and a billionaire and former President can enjoy a $15 per hour job making and serving fast food.
My thought is they should combine their resources and buy a McDonald’s franchise. She can run the register and do the books. He can work in the kitchen and the drive-through. What a team! He can ensure all the products are made in America. She can organize a union. Together they can meet with the mayor and town council to ask for tax breaks. They can double their workers’ salaries, pay off their student loans, get them Obamacare, and show them how to avoid paying taxes on tips.
For the holidays they can have Hanukkah candles and a Christmas tree, manned by a bearded Imam who can play Santa on the side. Protesters will get free coffee, and they can register their restaurant as a voting place. Those brown pullout napkins will make great paper ballots. They can let voters use the children’s crayons to mark their voting preferences.
Immigrants will be welcomed if they have not recently killed anyone or voted illegally. A bilingual staff person will take orders and write them down in New York English, or maybe Florida English, on one of those brown napkins for the big guy.
Gender identification might be an issue that creates stress in their relationship, but she could make sure he is in the kitchen when the 6-foot 4-inch middle school girls’ softball captain stops by for his, I mean her, three hamburgers with large fries. She can remind him, I mean her, to be discreet if he, uh, she, needs to use the girl’s bathroom as her business partner might find this offensive.
All-in-all, I think it could work. They buy a McDonald’s franchise and get out of politics altogether. We need them at McDonald’s. It may not be good for the restaurant business, but it could make America great again.
Michael McMahan is a resident of Gastonia.
This article originally appeared on The Gaston Gazette: YOUR TURN: We need them at McDonald’s
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